Parents and teachers put a lot of time and money into teaching children science, arithmetic, literature, geography, geology, and computers.

But do we ever spend any time teaching them how to be kind? Do we have any courses in kindness? Do we teach kids how to work with their own negative emotions and how to resolve conflicts with others?

I think this is much more important than the academic subjects. Why? Children may know a lot, but if they grow up to be unkind, resentful, or greedy adults, their lives will not be happy.

by Thubten Chodron

Taking care of the environment that we share with other living beings is part of the practice of loving kindness.

by Thubten Chodron

If we develop the awareness that all beings are equal and therefore everyone's happiness is important, then automatically, we won't be so selfish. We'll see that it's not essential to always get our own way. We can happily give something up to make others happy, because their happiness is important.

by Thubten Chodron

Each of us feels 'My happiness is more important than anyone else's. But if we ask ourselves, 'Why?' we can't find a good reason. Slowly, we can come to see that we aren't the most important person in the world, that it is the selfish attitude which propels us to aggressively seek our own happiness at the expense of others' well-being.

by Thubten Chodron

Dharma practice isn't just coming to the temple; it's not simply reading a Buddhist scripture or chanting the Buddha's name. Practice is how we live our lives, how we live with our family, how we work together with our colleagues, how we relate to the other people in the country and on the planet.

by Thubten Chodron

Who is imprisoning us in suffering? Your mother? Your father? Your boss? The person who cut you off on the highway? Are they the ones who are imprisoning you in suffering?

No! We are our own jail-keeper. We construct the prison, we put ourselves inside the cell, we lock it up and throw away the key. And then we blame the world for it.

by Thubten Chodron

I have read of how the monks in Tibet were killed when the communist Chinese government cracked down on Buddhist practitioners.

I have read how they did not resist, how they sat fast and faced their deaths with calm understanding that all was not lost. They were not giving up. They showed to their last breath that they could surmount any barrier with compassion and love not only for those taking their lives from them, but also for themselves. I believe that you must come to understand yourself, love yourself, and forgive yourself if you are to endure and change your surroundings for the better.

If you are a prisoner reading this article, you know how hard it is to love yourself. You may acknowledge to your peers or partners, "Yes I love myself and accept myself."

But you also know there are times when you are by yourself and you start running those "old tapes" in your head of how you have done this or that, said this or that to loved ones or even strangers. Then the guilt starts coming in waves.

By reminding myself that even though I have hurt others I do not have to continue to do so, I reinforce the belief that I am making changes in my life for the better and that this will benefit others. It also takes my focus off of my guilt and self-pity and onto helping others to overcome their suffering and to bring happiness into their lives.

Imprisonment does not have to be a place of self-torture and guilt-ridden confinement. We can bring peace and compassion to others and ourselves behind these walls and fences by transforming ourselves into loving, compassionate beings.

We can also reach out to others by sharing our fears and shortcomings. Eventually our self-acceptance of the pain we have caused and our determination to use compassion, instead of hate and guilt, enables us overcome our surroundings.

Now that I'm finishing this essay, I realize that writing it has been a way to share with myself that I am hurting inside and I don't need to suffer. I also realize that those who will read this are a part of my healing. This brings a smile to my face and gratitude in my heart for those of you sharing my thoughts.

Ultimately, you are helping me to transform my self-doubt and guilt into love and acceptance of myself. Thank you for the compassion that grows in your heart and the kindness you show to others.

by Thubten Chodron

There is a quote on a small white piece of paper on my writing desk. It reads, "There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within. No real insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose!"

This statement inspires me because it awakens the part of me that never gives up, no matter what the odds or the situation. However, as I sit here writing this, I am in one of those "head spaces' where everything around me is depressing and I really have a hard time getting through the day. It is usually at these times of depression that I think of all of the bad I have done in my life, and I start telling myself that I am no good, a fake, or a phony.

I call it my "self-sabotaging cycle," and it is a real screwed up, "hard to get out of" place in my mind. It seems like it would be really easy to give up at this point. I mean why not? After all I have wasted my life and scared so many people; what is the point?

The point is (at least for me) that I would be giving up, and it would mean that I failed, that I was no longer trying, that the insurmountable barrier I had reached was my own weakness.

by Thubten Chodron

People harm others only when they are unhappy. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “I feel so great today! I think I’ll go out and harm someone!”

When we can allow ourselves to know the depth of the pain and confusion felt by those who have harmed us, compassion—the wish that they be free from such suffering—can easily arise.

Thinking in this way does not mean whitewashing or denying harm that was done. Rather, we acknowledge it, but go beyond amassing resentment, because we know that grudges help neither ourselves nor others.

by Thubten Chodron

Since I met Buddhism, depression hasn't been a problem, because Buddhism establishes the purpose and meaning of life, and there is something positive that we can do. It makes a huge difference!

by Thubten Chodron

Many people have the misconception that spiritual life or religious life is somewhere up there in the sky—an ethereal or mystical reality—and that our everyday life is too mundane and not so nice. Often people think that to be a spiritual person, we must ignore or neglect our everyday life and go into another, special realm. To me, being a spiritual person means becoming a real human being.

by Thubten Chodron

A kind heart is the root of harmony and mutual respect. It prevents us from feeling estranged or fearful of others. It also protects us from becoming angry, attached, closed-minded, proud or jealous. When opportunities arise to help others we won’t lack courage or compassion. If political leaders had impartial minds and kind hearts, how different our world would be!

by Thubten Chodron

The way we wake up in the morning is very important as it influences our moods and feelings during the rest of the day.

by Thubten Chodron

As all problems arise from the self-cherishing attitude, it would be wise for each of us, as individuals, to exert ourselves to subdue it. World peace doesn’t come from winning a war, nor can it be legislated. Peace comes through each person eliminating his or her own selfishness and developing a kind heart…we can each do our part beginning today. The beneficial result in our own lives will immediately be evident.

by Thubten Chodron

A kind heart is the essential cause of happiness. Being kind to others is the nicest thing we can do for ourselves. When we respect others and are considerate of their needs, opinions and wishes, hostility evaporates. It takes two people to fight, and if we refuse to be one of them, there is no quarrel.

by Thubten Chodron

The expression “struggling for happiness” perfectly expresses what the eight worldly concerns are about. We struggle for happiness, constantly trying to rearrange our world to get wealth, praise and approval, good reputation, and sense pleasure and to avoid lack, blame, bad reputation, and unpleasant sensations.

by Thubten Chodron

The real Dharma practice is not something we can see with our eyes. Real practice is changing our mind, not just changing our behavior so that we appear holy, blessed, and others say, "Wow, what a fantastic person!" We have already spent our lives putting on various acts in an effort to convince ourselves and others that we are indeed what in fact we aren't at all. We hardly need to create another facade, this time of a super-holy person. What we do need to do is change our mind, our way of viewing, interpreting and reacting to the world around and within us.

by Thubten Chodron

A kind heart is one of the principal things we are trying to develop. If we run around childishly telling others, “I’m this religion, and you’re that religion. But, mine is better,” it is like turning chocolate frosting into garbage: what was delicious becomes useless. Instead, we would be much wiser to look inside ourselves and apply the antidotes to intolerance, pride, and attachment.

The true criterion of whether we are a religious or spiritual person is whether we have a kind heart toward others and a wise approach to life. These qualities are internal and cannot be seen with our eyes. They are gained by honestly looking at our own thoughts, words and actions, discriminating which ones to encourage and which ones to abandon, and then engaging in the practices to develop compassion and wisdom in order to transform ourselves. Invisible cities, mirages, dreams.

by Thubten Chodron

Question: Can one be attached to Buddhism? What should we do if someone attacks our beliefs and criticizes the Dharma?

Answer: Each situation must be regarded individually. In general, if we feel, “They are criticizing my beliefs. They think I am stupid for believing that,” we are clinging to our beliefs because we think, “These beliefs are good because they are mine. If someone criticizes them, they are criticizing me.” Such an attitude isn’t very productive and we’ll be more peaceful if we abandon it.

We are not our beliefs. If others disagree with our beliefs, it does not mean we are stupid. Being open to what others say is useful. Let’s not be attached to the name and label of our religion. We are seeking truth and happiness, not promotion of a religion because it happens to be ours. In addition, questioning the teachings is reasonable. The Buddha himself said we should check his teachings and not just believe in them blindly.

On the other hand, we should not automatically agree with everything someone else says. We should not abandon our beliefs and adopt theirs indiscriminately. If someone asks a question we cannot answer, it doesn’t mean the Buddha’s teachings are wrong. It simply means we don’t know the answer and need to learn and contemplate more. We can then take the question to knowledgeable Buddhists and think about their answers. When others question our beliefs, they are actually helping us deepen our understanding of the Buddha’s teachings by showing us what we do not yet understand. This inspires us to study the Dharma and reflect on its meaning.

by Thubten Chodron

I encourage you also to observe the thoughts and emotions you're having.

You may want to write some of them down. Don't judge them, just acknowledge them. Just observe what's happening inside of you. Accept the feelings. Let them be, but don't indulge in them or get locked into the stories behind them--the stories your conceptual mind is making up about how things should be.

After you've done that, begin to examine which thoughts and feelings are supported by ignorance, which by attachment, which by anger, which by loving-kindness, which by compassion, etc.

Check which are realistic and which are seeking something that cannot come to be.

Then ask, "What are other ways to look at these situations? How would Chenresig, the Buddha of Compassion, look at them? If Chenresig were in my shoes, how would he describe what is going on? What thoughts and feelings would he cultivate to deal with the situation?"

by Thubten Chodron